I’m met with a friend today for lunch.
It’s been a while; nearly 2 years since I’ve seen her.
A lot of big stuff happened in our respective lives that we would have normally shared with one another. But there was illness and static in the connection and it just went quiet. Then some efforts to connect that simply dead ended.
Busy days turned into years.
And finally, here we are again.
But it’s okay. We are lifetime friends. And the inner connection remains - thanks to yoga - a common thread that binds us. Everything changes and nothing changes. We can pick up where we left off. Hopefully, without resentment. Or better, if there is injury, we can just talk about it.
So we did.
We talked about how to explain the distance. And if that meant we weren’t really that close after all. How had we shared so much and then nothing at all for so long? What exactly does that make us? Colleagues, friends, family?
The thing that resonated for me instantly was the word ‘family.’ Of course, we all have varying relationships with ‘words’ and we all define ‘family’ uniquely.
But souls I’ve met at Sol Yoga in the past 20 years often turn into far more than just passing acquaintances. And it happens among students too. Exchanging numbers, going after class for dinner, trying other yoga studios together, etc. Bonds are formed.
Yoga is a daily practice usually done together - so there’s that - a natural evolution of spending lots of time together. And there is also the before and after class time where the magic happens. And golly gee, if you luck out and end up in teacher training, you better get ready for some of the best relationships of your life. It’s like summer camp for grown ups.
But this other thing happens too as a result of yoga. You learn what healthy relationships actually are. Yoga teaches us to connect authentically with our own mind-body-spirit (which can take a lifetime). But that healthy relationship ripples out and all our relationships begin to become rooted in reciprocity and love. The fear and self-less or self-ish ness that drives most unhealthy relationships begins to dissolve. And what’s left is open-hearted, honest, loving relationships that don’t require posturing, masking, chasing, hiding or pretending. Just being.
Ahhh, doesnt that sound nice? I can trust myself to say yes when I mean yes and no when I mean no and I can trust you to do the same for yourself. Whoa. You mean I don’t have to think for you, interpret what you are saying, take care of you, fix you, control you, worry about you?
All that can be so energy draining. It causes contraction, retraction and self preservation. But with authenticity, we have more space in our hearts and lives to welcome connection. We have more health.
I meet a lot of people. I have a lot of relationships. I just have that kind of life. And thankfully, my heart just keeps expanding. Like when you have your second child, then your third. You don’t love the first any less.
Love is limitless.
My 12 year-old plays with her 11 and 12-year-old friends and sometimes there is the conversation about who’s my BEST friend. As if you’re only allowed to have one. It’s cute from my 48-year-old place.
We will always have people that know us a little, a little more and the most. But isn’t that always changing? I’m different today than I was yesterday. Aren’t you? I LOVE that yoga teaches us to INQUIRE - to ask questions instead of make demands or commands. And to LISTEN to the answers. To seek to understand ourselves and one another.
My lunch friend and I talked about grasping, chasing, the exhaustion of ‘trying’ to fit in. So tiring.
We both agreed to put that to rest and just assume we DO fit in! And that no matter what amount of time passes, that we always belong at Sol. The door is always open - like saloon doors - no key, no effort, just walk in or walk out. And if you don’t make it back in the studio, that’s okay too! Maybe you’ll follow us on social, recommend a friend or we’ll see you out in the community and feel a fond connection.
I was waiting for my kid outside a dressing room in the mall last week - and there was Abby. Instantly I was reminded of a special time during one year of teacher training. A vibrant, strong yet soft and vulnerable woman. I honestly don’t remember the year of her teacher training or details of our conversations - all I felt was love and joy to see her and a sentiment of triumph. She mentioned she reads these letters and I was so encouraged to hear that. (thanks Abby)
And this past week, Kristina and I went on a Richard recon trip - tall Richard, who has been coming to Sol for 20+ years hasn’t been in for class in a long time. It’s strange without him. And sure enough, we found him at home, with his wife - both of them 85 now - navigating the complexities of life in that stage.
And i loved this post by Kelly, a recent YTT graduate who is starting to teach a class at noon on fridays in the garage. She said - “Whats the saying - Some friendships come and go, others last a lifetime?'“
Yes, that.
Both.
They come and go and they last a lifetime at Sol.
Our friend Mary Beth exemplifies this long term coming and going. She was one of the first people to become a ‘lifetime member,’ which made so much sense for her at the time because she’d often come to TWO classes a day. Here’s what she says:
“Ebb and flow – constant fluctuations of living-physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Ask any Yogi who has experience the mat, Yoga is a lifetime of want, need, and desire. At many times Yoga is a saving grace.
As a lifetime member, who has her share of ebs and flows, a snapshot over the last 10 years would show two times a day of vigorous practice , to one time a day, to a few times a week, month, and even a season or two of barren nonexistence on the mat. Yet Yoga always pulls you back. The constant of a lifetime partnership with Sol, allows the natural ebb and flow that life sometimes directs, to continue evolving without effort, as the lifetime membership remains steadfast, and true, you are able to find your groove in every season of your life, again on the mat.”
How about this gem below: Katie. We used to see her almost everyday. She’s been missing for a bit. Building a baby, birthing, now burping. But she’s back to her wednesday night 530pm timeslot. Yoga ebbs and flows with us through all the transitions.
And this guy (pictured below on the left) and his lovely wife (not pictured) have been such an anchor for us for many many years. Like family. Generous in spirit and devoted in their multiple times a week practice, I’m not sure if they realize the impact they make on this community and how their presence and commitment to health ripples out way beyond our walls. Thank you so much John & Kathleen.
And on the right below is a soul who visits Sol whenever she visits Frederick - her home away from home. We love being here for you year after year to return to.
Its such a pleasure to ride the ebbs and flows of decades with our friends and family at Sol. There is room for curiosity and commitment to wax and wain, for interest and passion to be low or high. To sometimes be giving and sometimes receiving. Sometimes loud, sometimes quiet.
Authenticity, reciprocity, love and tolerance are our aim. Through yoga on the mat and off.
You don’t have to worry about us chasing you or begging you to come back. We try really hard to ‘just be,’ and simply attract rather than promote. To invite and share and to honor your autonomy to vote with your feet. We hope you recognize this as care. And we hope you know you are most welcome here anytime. And cost should not be a barrier to entry. If you can afford to join for a lifetime, we’d love that and we’ll honor your meaningful contribution. And if you need a hand, we’ve got that to give to.
We really would only want you to be:
“Happy to be here.”
